How to Build Confidence

How to Build Confidence

Self-confidence is important for success in life and relationships.  Confidence is infectious, and people oozing with this empowering substance draw people towards them.  Those with little confidence tend to repel people or even worse will draw people to them that may not have their best interest at heart.  

Confidence is having a positive perception of ourselves and our abilities.  It's having a firm belief in yourself and what you're capable of achieving in this life.  Confidence is not self-loathing, nor is it arrogance, like assertiveness it's the fine line between the two that leads to unexpected outcomes in life.  

It's great to know what it means, but how do we obtain it if we're lacking is a most important question.  I don't believe there is any set way to develop confidence.  Some people it comes more naturally to, others may need to work on it a bit.  As with assertiveness, to build confidence it may be something we need to practice.  It may also require some changes we can make to be more confident.  

Here are a few things you can do to build confidence and become more assertive. 

Ditch Negative Self-talk

In life, it's important to be our number one motivators, our number one advocate.  We get support from family, friends, and colleagues but the greatest source of motivation and confidence can be ourselves.  Too many people in the world have a habit of negative self-talk.  They put themselves down rather than building themselves up.  They use language like "I'm no good at this or that."  Or they believe they are not worthy of achieving greatness in their lives. 

Negative self-talk will only drag you down.  Consider replacing it with language that is encouraging, honest and uplifting.  We can be too hard on ourselves, often placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves or wallowing in self-pity.  If this is adversely affecting your confidence, it's time to change your language and vocabulary.  Be supportive of yourself, your dreams, goals, and desires.  Say a kind word to yourself.  

Having a positive and encouraging self-talk is important for confidence and assertiveness.  It's important, always to remember that your value is great and of equal value to those around you. Treat yourself with the same respect you show others, and it will help you become more confident and assertive. 

Have A Crack

Building confidence is not possible with a passive mindset; it requires proactivity.  Confidence will not fall from the sky and land in your lap.  It will not come from reading this article or others on the internet.  Confidence comes from taking action!  People who have little confidence are lacking in evidence that will lead them to believe they are confident, capable, and worthwhile because they are hesitant to "have a crack."

Whenever a new situation or challenge arises, they talk themselves down and out of it before ever giving it a chance.  They don't apply for that new job; they won't ask a person out they fancy, won't go to the gym, and won't challenge themselves.  They won't take the necessary action they need to that will reveal to them the evidence they need to feel confident.  

To be confident you need to prove yourself wrong; you need to have evidence that you are capable when you may not feel it is true.

For example, if a person doesn't feel confident in their public speaking skills they may avoid that situation.  To grow in confidence in this area, the only way to do it is to get on stage and have a crack at it.  It's only from the stage that you'll see and say within yourself

This isn't too bad, I'm better at this than I thought I would be, no one is laughing at me. Hey, I can speak in public!

Proving to yourself that you can public speak or do anything your lack of confidence is saying you can't do is empowering and motivating.  If you want to build confidence, you're going to have to take action, be proactive, and "give it a crack."

Models to Follow

When I think of confidence, I think of people in the world who've achieved greatness, and I believe they've done so through a degree of confidence in themselves and their abilities.  One man linked to greatness is Alexander of Macedon.  

Legends were surrounding his birth, one being that he was the son of Zeus.  He may have promoted that legend to instil some divinity in himself but contrast that to some people today who have no vision of themselves being able to achieve anything. Having no vision, a negative vision and little confidence will not lead to greatness.  

I thought of a short poem to illustrate the confidence of Alexander the Great.  

My father is Zeus, how can I not be confident? This is how I conquer as I cross all of the continents.

Alexander the Great was also under the guidance and direction of Aristotle who I'm sure would have spent his time mentoring him on his potential as a man.  He wouldn't have torn him down or told him he was nothing or incapable.  In the true spirit of tutelage, he would have raised the boy up to believe in himself, taught him skills that would have made him feel empowered and useful, and helped him see the great potential he had in him.  Consider the people around you, if they are not an Aristotle to you, then consider making new friends.


Confidence is crucial, and I think it is a shame that many people in the world are filling themselves with doubt and negativity.  It's important, to be honest, and realistic about ourselves but we need to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt more often and give ourselves a chance to succeed. We need to fill ourselves with positive energy, words of encouragement that are going to propel us forward, not keep us back.  We need to take action to obtain evidence that we are capable, strong, able to endure, and intelligent.  Doing will lead us to feelings of confidence and empowerment which will help us be successful in life and relationships.

Assertive Life

Assertive Life

Assertive Life
Get Your Piece of the Pie, Give Assertiveness A Try!

Get Your Piece of the Pie, Give Assertiveness A Try!

Books on Assertiveness

Books on Assertiveness